A Northern Ireland woman who chose to travel out of the country to abort her unborn baby shared the experience in a series of real-time tweets last weekend.
“Holly,” not her real name, said her unborn baby boy was diagnosed with anencephaly at 12 weeks of pregnancy. Anencephaly is a brain disorder that typically is fatal, and doctors told her that her son had no chance of survival, the Metro reports.
She and her husband quickly decided to have an abortion, rather than allow their son to die naturally. But because Northern Ireland protects unborn babies from abortion, they planned to travel to England to have their son aborted.
Tweeting with the handle @HomeRather, Holly described their journey from Belfast, Northern Ireland to Liverpool, England earlier this year. Her tweets over the weekend coincided with a bill in parliament that would legalize abortion, according to the report.
“I was aware of the law. I’ve always believed that it should be up to women to make their own choices but it never crossed my mind that I would find myself needing to end a pregnancy,” she said.
She said they arranged to have an abortion three weeks after their son’s diagnosis, meaning she was about 15-weeks pregnant.
One of the hardest parts was leaving their 2-year-old daughter with her grandmother for their three-day journey.
“We just left a sobbing two-year-old. Her little face, tears streaming, staring out of her seat in the back of her Granny’s car nearly broke me before this torturous journey even started,” Holly tweeted.
I took a breath, swallowed it all down and in my best excited voice told her all about her weekend at Granny’s house. How her cousins would take her to the farm tomorrow and she could go to her friend’s house on Sunday and Mummy and Daddy would be back on Monday #travelling
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 19, 2018
Holly expressed sorrow, anger and frustration about the journey, but it was one she and her husband chose to make. Many other parents choose life for unborn babies with anencephaly, knowing that their child’s life – no matter how short – is valuable. These parents celebrate their unborn child’s life in special ways and try to enjoy the time they have together before their baby’s natural death.
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But Holly and her husband chose to end their son’s life in an abortion instead.
The next sales person who tries to strike up one of those faux friendly conversations… “what brings you here today”.. is getting an honest fucking answer. I’m too tired to save other people’s feelings with plain lies about visiting friends #RepealThe8th #nowforNI
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 19, 2018
I leave himself to deal with the sales pitch at the car hire desk and go to the loo. The little hope that I’ll see blood in my knickers reminds me again why we’re here. As if I could forget.
My baby has a fatal abnormality. A condition that is “incompatible with life”. #nowforNI— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 19, 2018
She admitted she cried when they got to the abortion facility. Between all the travel arrangements, she said she had not allowed herself “to be upset about losing my baby” before that point.
Holly said she chose to have a medical, drug-induced abortion, instead of a surgical abortion because she wanted to see her son’s body. A surgical abortion would have ripped him in pieces, though she did not mention that gruesome detail.
We chose to have a ‘late medical’ termination instead of surgical. Surgical would have meant going under general anaesthetic and waking up no longer pregnant. We would not be able to see or spend time with our baby. That option wasn’t right for us.
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 19, 2018
After taking the first set of abortion drugs, she said she and her husband went out for dinner and a movie.
I could have a drink with dinner. I certainly feel like having a skinful. But it tastes awful because I’m still #pregnant. I can’t finish my pizza because I feel sick if I eat too much. Still pregnant. I’m not expecting a baby though.
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 19, 2018
Dinner was nice, Peruvian food. We’re doing a good job of pretending we’re on a romantic weekend away. Until himself goes to the loo and I’m alone at the table. Suddenly I’m gasping and fighting to keep from sobbing and screaming.
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 20, 2018
She said they went back to the abortion facility a day later where she gave birth to her dead baby.
We don’t have anything for baby. We’ve been too focused on just getting through this awful journey that we didn’t think. Should we have brought a blanket to wrap baby in and then bring home with us? The blanket. We won’t be bringing baby #home
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 21, 2018
She said her son’s tiny body looked perfect except for the malformations of his skull. The couple named him and held his tiny body, knowing that they chose to end his life prematurely.
He is so small. Barely identifiable as a ‘he’. His skin is translucent, so we can see every vein and vessel. He is red. His fingers and toes are tiny and perfect. His mouth looks like his Daddy’s. He looks almost like he’s smiling. #Childofmine
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 21, 2018
Before leaving, Holly said a bereavement team gave them a memory box with a little certificate acknowledging their son’s birth, a copy of “Guess How Much I Love You” and a card with their son’s hand and footprints.
My overwhelming thought is that we have left him. We left him alone. I know that we made the right choice but my body is desperate to hold him, to have him with me. If we were treated at #home he’d be with us.
— RatherBeHome (@HomeRather) October 22, 2018
After the abortion, she tweeted: “We’re so relieved to be home. That this journey is over, so our grief can finally begin. But other women are only beginning their stories of exile. Other families don’t know our story might be theirs one day. Unless we change it.”
But their journey and their son’s abortion death is a choice that did not have to be made. So many families have chosen life for children with fatal disabilities and treasured every moment together before the child’s death. Some have been able to hold their babies alive and even spend several days or weeks with them before they die. Some hospitals also offer special pernital hospice programs that support families in these difficult times.
Dr. Peter Saunders, a doctor and the CEO of Christian Medical Fellowship in England, encouraged parents to think twice before aborting an unborn baby with anencephaly in 2013.
“Our humanity is not diminished or degraded by sickness, disability, fragility, intellectual impairment or by what people think of us or how they value us,” he wrote. “Babies with severe conditions like anencephaly are human beings worthy, like all human beings, of profound wonder, empathy, respect and protection.”
LifeNews Note: Ultrasound image of a baby with anencephaly.
