Man is Devastated After Learning His Girlfriend Aborted Their Baby Without Telling Him

Opinion   |   Micaiah Bilger   |   Sep 27, 2016   |   11:29AM   |   Washington, DC

A New York Times journalist revealed his heartbreaking experiences with abortion this week in a column for Narratively.

The two abortions in Kenneth R. Rosen’s life occurred in very different circumstances. The first was when he was 22 years old and involved in a secret relationship with a woman named “Sasha” while she was publicly in a relationship with another man. Rosen (pictured above) said Sasha was not happy with her boyfriend, and the two never had sex; he and Sasha did, and he secretly hoped that their relationship would become something more.

One day, he said Sasha showed up at his apartment. Her mood was gloomy and she avoided answering his questions directly. She said she wasn’t feeling well and eventually told him that she had seen “a doctor.”

He wrote:

Suddenly, I understood what she had not told me.

“Whose was it?” I accused, my voice cracking through our silence. The room was still and her stare was precious and tormented.

“Come on, Ken,” she whispered, and looked the other way.

Rosen said he was devastated. Sasha had been pregnant with his child and had an abortion without telling him.

His emotions seemed to surprise him, though. When he was a teenager, he said he used to think that if he got a girl pregnant, he would encourage her to have an abortion. At 22, his thoughts about pregnancy and abortion were “Meh, what happens is what happens.” But when he actually faced the news that he had helped to conceive a child and now that child was gone, he felt crushed.

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“After Sasha told me without saying a word that she was no longer pregnant, I felt disbelief, then hope, then devastation, all in the span of a few seconds,” Rosen wrote.

“I realized, first, that we’d conceived a kid, an unimaginable thought to me then, at twenty-two. Second, that having a baby might have meant Sasha and I finally had the chance to build a home together. And then third, crushingly, that none of this would ever be,” he added.

Sadly, Rosen juxtaposed that situation with a more recent one involving his girlfriend “Alexa” who also got pregnant. Together, the two decided that it was not the right time for them to have children, so they had their unborn child aborted.

He concluded:

I understand now that it had been the same for Sasha as it was for Alexa – that any decision either of them made, with or without me, would be the hardest of their lives. Ultimately, my role was to be supportive in whatever way they needed. I understood Sasha’s decision on its face, but at the time wished that it had not severed whatever chance I thought we’d had at becoming something more. And, I realize now, that such reasoning does not justify my faulting her for making the decision without me. But, deep down, I still wish I’d been a part of the process.

However, Rosen did not explore the reasons why he felt pain and conflict at all. If an abortion is nothing more than a medical procedure that involves a woman’s body, why should a man have any say in the decision? Why did he feel upset that he didn’t? And why did he experience pain and conflict if an abortion is little different than a tonsillectomy?

It’s because it is different. An abortion is more than just a medical procedure. An abortion destroys the life of a living, growing human being in the womb. It’s a scientific fact, and it’s why men like Rosen feel distraught, conflicted when their significant other has an abortion. Millions of women experience similar feelings after they have abortions, too.

Rosen had two children whose lives were destroyed by abortion, children who he never got the chance to meet or love. But sadly, like so many others, he shoves this painful reality under excuses and justifications so that he won’t have to deal with the heartbreaking truth.