She never wanted to be a mother, but when a pregnancy test showed up positive, the 29-year-old surprised herself by feeling excited.
In a column for Elite Daily, the anonymous woman described feeling elated by her pregnancy. She said expecting a baby was the closest she ever felt to being Wonder Woman.
“It was like being in love, but without the misery of obsession,” she wrote. “I was suddenly very aware of how powerful I was.”
But everything changed when she told her boyfriend, “Jesus,” the news. She said “… he was less than thrilled. He was terrified, actually.” So, on the day before Mother’s Day in 2013, she aborted her unborn child.
When she initially discovered she was pregnant, she said:
I didn’t tell him how excited I was when I gave him the news. I didn’t understand my desire to have the child yet, and I didn’t feel it was appropriate to tell him about it. I wasn’t asking for anything from him, but I wasn’t sure if I could do this entirely on my own either.
His reaction quickly threw a blanket over the fire of my enthusiasm, and I made an appointment to terminate the pregnancy at Planned Parenthood for a week later.
I was at Planned Parenthood for three to four hours before I walked out. I couldn’t go through with the procedure. They showed me a picture of the baby and all the thrill I’d experienced a week before came flooding back. I looked around at the girls who were there, all about a decade younger than I was.
I remembered being 13, driving in the car with my dad and asking him how he knew when he was ready to have children, and I remembered his answer: “You’re never ready.”
I left Planned Parenthood determined to make a clear decision about whether or not I wanted to have a kid.
… Jesus was checking in on me regularly, which would have felt nice if it hadn’t been coming from a place of complete fear and a desire, however subtle, to control the outcome of the situation.
The more she thought about the decision, the more she began to give into her fears. She wasn’t sure if she could afford a child, and her boyfriend wasn’t being supportive. Though she does not mention it, her past experiences with an abusive ex-boyfriend also could have heightened her fears. Finally, she decided that “the timing wasn’t right” and she had to have an abortion.
Keep up with the latest pro-life news and information on Twitter. Follow @LifeNewsHQ
The extent to which the woman goes to justify her abortion is heart wrenching. It does not make sense, except as a coping mechanism for the pain of killing her unborn child who she very much wanted.
I remember sleeping in his car on the way back. I remember feeling sad in a way that I could barely access. I remember feeling alone in a way I had never felt before that day or since. I remember feeling angry at what I could only assume was Jesus’s relief over my decision. I remember the heartbreak of wondering if I had missed what might have been my only chance to have a child.
I woke up on May 12, 2013 to find that it was Mother’s Day. In addition to feeling absolutely crushed by the irony, I awoke feeling proud — proud of my mother for the sacrifices she’d made for the good of her children. I had a new appreciation of how difficult those sacrifices must have been for her. I saw for the first time that my decision to have an abortion for the good of my unborn child, in spite of how impossibly difficult it was for me, was a decision that a good mother would have made.
One can’t help but wonder what would have happened to this woman and her unborn child if her boyfriend had been supportive, or if someone had encouraged her and reassured her that she was strong enough and capable enough to raise a child.
Her story adds to the evidence that society is failing women and their children. Our culture treats unborn babies as disposable and replaceable. It sells abortions as a quick fix to women’s problems, even convincing women like her who want their babies to kill them and try again at a better time – as if there is some sort of magically perfect time to have a child.
That’s why pro-lifers are working to change our culture by offering women the support they deserve and treating unborn babies as the irreplaceably valuable human beings that they are.