In Minnesota last week a judge refused to allow a rapist to terminate his parental rights.
Let’s start from the beginning. Mary was seeing a man for a couple of months and she had stated she did not want to have sex in her relationship with him. But he didn’t keep his promise and drugged and raped her. Confused as to why she couldn’t remember what had happened he told her she had been drinking. She had no memory of drinking either. But what she did know is that she felt violated. She knew something was very wrong. She stopped seeing the man but didn’t report anything to the police. She was too scared.
When she finally went to the doctor in the weeks following the incident she learned she was pregnant. There was no other explanation except for that day she couldn’t remember. It took her doctor talking with her to make Mary understand this was rape and nothing less. Many females are confused about what rape is. It’s very simply when sex without consent.
She had stopped seeing him but Mary messaged the rapist saying I’ve got to tell you something very important.” To her surprise the rapist was excited and said “I think I know what it is …you’re pregnant!” Not only did he rape her but was happy she was pregnant. He told everyone and even went on to say they were engaged. Mary was horrified. Her family was not supportive and told her she was very irresponsible for getting pregnant. When she said she had no choice in the matter they said that was nonsense because she was seeing the man. This only added to Mary’s trauma.
She avoided the rapist. Though she felt very angry there was nothing Mary could do. An attorney told her that being pregnant didn’t prove anything except that she had intercourse! No one seemed to care that she was raped. When it came time to give birth however the hospital did their best to keep her protected, allowing her to sign in on another name. Mary, though feeling trapped and forced to carry this child fell in love with her son.
“From the moment his skin touched mine, I fell in love with him.”
Her son was born with issues that required him to be transferred to another hospital for treatment. With a bill of $80,000 and no insurance Mary sought government help. At that point she was asked about child support. Though she said she was raped it mattered not to them. By this time Mary was thinking that he should at least have to pay financially for what he did.
She had to appear in court alone. No family or friends were present but she did have a public defender. She told the attorney that she had been raped and the attorney said “That’s irrelevant.” Mary went into a panic attack, shaking and terrified when the rapist came into the room but no one seemed to care. She couldn’t even look at him. Mary had been through this same court in another child support case with her ex who is the father of her oldest child. She remembers the same judge throwing the book at her ex who she says “was 18, working 40-60 hours and going to school too.” He had to pay thousands but it was quite different with the rapist. The rapist was treated like a man of honor.
Mary’s public defender literally said “What is he comfortable paying?” So they throw the book at a guy who wants to support his child but special privileges are given to a rapist? The public defender wanted to apply the minimum of $50 a month to a man who is making more money in his 30s and a rapist. The amount was calculated around $300 but the rapist was told to only pay $200 a month. When Mary wanted to challenge that she was told he would come back and file for custody. So what happened is legal blackmail. If Mary didn’t reduce the price she would probably lose partial custody to her rapist. So she succumbed.
The rapist said he would relinquish all his parental rights but the public defender said there was no way a judge would allow that unless the child would be adopted. Mary suddenly got hopeful. Her ex loved her son and would be willing to adopt him. But once again she was shot down by the public defender that only if she were married to the man could that happen. Mary’s heart was ripped hearing the judge call the rapist her son’s father. The judge at the end of the hearing asked the rapist what were his plans for seeing his son. When the rapist said he had none the judge surprisingly “Oh, Okay.” The judge also told the rapist that he can file at any time in the future for custody. Mary’s attorney told her that the rapist told his attorney “I’m not mentally capable of custody.” But the judge in Minnesota would be happy to give it to him.
Mary’s rights were violated yet she received no justice. In fact what she did receive was humiliation and condemnation. Rape is the only case where the victim is interrogated, humiliated, not believed, evidence ignored and the criminal is defended and even encouraged to continue. Women are praying for a day that they will be believed and protected and that their children conceived in rape won’t have to spend any time with the rapist.
CHOICES4LIFE believes women and does everything to help them through the difficult time after rape and throughout their life when the need arises. Hope After Rape Conception has been instrumental in changing laws that allow rapists to have ” parental rights.” From 31 down to 24 states rapist’s rights are slowly being eliminated.
Click here to hear the full interview with Mary.
LifeNews Note: Juda Myers is founder of CHOICES4LIFE helping restore honor and dignity to women and children of rape conception. She also helps women find comfort and hope, who have miscarried or aborted. Children conceived in rape struggling with identity issues will find hope and purpose also.