Pregnant After I Was Raped, I Hated My Baby and Wanted an Abortion. But Something Changed

Opinion   |   Betty Esene   |   Mar 25, 2015   |   1:24PM   |   Abuja, Nigeria

I was raped on my way to a professional exam.   After the incident, I kept telling myself that it didn’t happen and I had to move on. I almost believed myself — until I found out a month later that I was PREGNANT, then everything that happened came rushing back.

I hated myself, I hated what happened, and above all, I hated the baby.

My first thought was “ABORTION.” I was a young girl struggling to better my future and that of my family. ”The baby would ruin my hopes and aspirations for the future,” I thought.

I searched really hard for funds to sponsor my abortion, but couldn’t find any. I even started taking some really dangerous drugs from when the pregnancy was 1 month to 7 months, but the baby just refused to die. I thought of committing suicide a lot of times, but then my mum was seriously ill and I was of great help to her.

I kept my pregnancy a secret from my friends and family for 7 months. I would usually hit my belly aggressively when alone and scream to the baby, “Just die or go away, but whatever — don’t come out through me!” I was highly traumatized and depressed in silence and agony for 7 months before I told my family what happened. I got support from my mum and a non-governmental organization (N.G.O) in my country – Nigeria — and I had my baby.



It was a difficult labor, but the moment I held him in my arms I felt an inner peace. Now I look at him and wonder how I could have ever rejected such a glorious blessing — he is the most wonderful and sweetest gift that life has given me! His smile gives a reason to be strong and move on with my life. He understands my every mood and our bond is so strong! He is 5 months old now and I would rather be on the streets than give him up for adoption. I don’t see him as a product of rape; rather, I see him as a child of Destiny and that’s the reason I named him “DESTINY!”


People need to understand that God doesn’t send the rapist. We all have our choice of behavior – free will, but rather God uses a painful situation to create something good – the baby.   I don’t judge a scared, young girl for wanting an abortion or for having an abortion because I almost did the same thing, but my point is that we need to be considering the child as the victim’s child and not the rapist’s, considering the child as a human with feelings and aspirations.

Let’s face the truth: the child shares no fault in what happened and has a right to live — every child has a life to live, especially children born out of rape. They have a great future and a maker – God — who wasn’t stupid to have sent them down on earth. They aren’t the rapist’s product, but the creative work of God.   He brought them for a purpose and to fulfill a destiny, just like my son!

LifeNews Note: Betty Michael Esene is an event planner and make-up artist from Nigeria. She’s also a member and blogger for Save The 1 – connecting with and encouraging other mothers who became pregnant by rape.