Pastor: I’m Haunted Daily by Dreams of Hearing My Aborted Baby Call Me “Daddy”

National   |   Sarah Zagorski   |   Jan 22, 2015   |   1:55PM   |   Sacramento, CA

As LifeNews previously reported, California pastor, Shane Idleman, spoke out about his participation in an abortion on his churches blog.

Idleman writes, “Approximately 23 years ago, as a prodigal, I conceded to my girlfriends request to abort our child around the 5th week of conception. The pain of that decision still haunts me today. What would they look like? Was it a boy or a girl? I can picture walking and talking with my child…watching his or her first steps…holding them when they cry and rejoicing with them when they succeed. But these are just dreams in my mind; dreams that leave me heartbroken. Regret is one of the hardest pains to deal with because it is a constant reminder that we failed…failed God, others, and the aborted child.”

In a recent video created by Heroic Media, Idleman added that the dream of seeing his aborted baby’s first step and hear it call him “daddy” “haunts” him every day.

danielphillipsUnfortunately, Idleman is not alone. Countless men suffer silently even if that didn’t know about the abortion before hand. A study to investigate the effects of abortion on men discovered multiple disturbing trends:

  • Most relationships men were in at the time of the abortion failed in less than a year.
  • Only about 1% said they would consider abortion again in the future
  • Over 90% experienced grief and sadness
  • Over 90% experience persistent thoughts about the baby
  • The least likely person anyone questioned would confide in about his abortion experience was clergy.

The other men featured in the video with Pastor Idleman were John Blandford from Online for Life and Daniel Phillips. Blanford said, “I was 28. I didn’t know God. I called myself a Christian. I would go to church a couple times a month. I had just started dating this gal, and she got pregnant.”

Click here to sign up for daily pro-life news alerts from

He added, “I should have manned up and I should have fought for you [the aborted child]. And I didn’t. I didn’t. I am so grateful that you are in Heaven with Jesus, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, and that you got to see him before I did. And I know you’re going to extend me grace, but I just—it would’ve been so cool to hang out with you here on earth.”

Phillips explained his abortion experience this way: “We had a passive-aggressive stance. I was neither here nor there, so I never even fought for the opportunity to save the child.” Additionally, Phillips admitted that he missed the opportunity to speak out when he had the chance.

Kevin Burke, the associate director of Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries, a group that reaches out to post-abortive women and men, said men suffer from a myriad of problems following a partner’s abortion — especially one in which they lent their support or persuaded their partner to have.

He said, “We have all heard the exhausted phrase repeated over the years that ‘abortion is a private personal decision between a woman, her health care provider and her God.’ Men were seen to be peripheral figures in the process, detached and unaffected by the woman’s ‘choice.’ The reality is that men are involved in 95% of all abortion decisions, and they are profoundly impacted by their participation in the abortion of their child.”

If you are suffering from your abortion experience, watch this video and consider pursuing post-abortion counseling. Groups like Silent No More, Rachael’s Vineyard and Priests for Life offer many resources for those hurting from their abortions.