Woman Who Posted Video of Her Abortion and Ultrasound Picture of “My Baby” Regrets Her Abortion

International   |   Steven Ertelt   |   Jun 9, 2014   |   1:17PM   |   Washington, DC

Last month, LifeNews spotlighted the story of a young woman who posted a video of her abortion records and an ultrasound picture of her unborn baby on YouTube. At the time, there was little additional information to go on and LifeNews readers speculated whether the woman int he video was proud of her abortion or had regrets.

abortionvideoWe can now report that the young woman in the video, Kari Lynn, regrets her abortion and wishes she could undo the decision. She emailed LifeNews and wants other people to know that and hopes young women like her don’t make the same mistake.

Here’s what she has to say:

My life is deeply effected by this trauma I faced in my life. I honestly never wanted to have an abortion. I wanted my baby badly. But I was so scared that no one would help me. Taking care of a baby on my own would have been a big change. Everyone told me abortion is the best option. Feeling alone was the worst feeling ever. Now I am left with this hurt for the rest of my life.I feel regret and sadness. I wish I could go back and take my baby back. When I see other babies or children it reminds me of what I could have had. Finding out someone is pregnant hits me the most. I feel my baby would have been a girl. I gave her the name Kacey Hope

karilynnFrom the beginning of May 2010 I noticed I was gaining weight. I never wanted to believe of the possibility of being pregnant. On May 12, 2010 my life changed.  I went to the Birth Control Clinic at the London-Middlesex Health Unit. I went for S.T.I Testing. During the testing they did a pregnancy test. I was waiting in a room. The doctor walked in and paused. He goes ” You are pregnant”. I was starting to cry and said “Are you sure that can’t be wrong”. He said “No, you are at least 4 weeks pregnant”. I started crying a lot and said ” I want an abortion right now”. They said I couldn’t unless I went to Toronto. So they gave me a phone number to call. That night I couldn’t even sleep. I was so devastated that I had a little baby growing inside of me.

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On May 13, 2010, I called the Woman’s Health Clinic at Victoria Hospital to book an abortion. They said I had to wait until I was 8 weeks. They booked my ultrasound for June 4, 2010. During my wait the morning sickness started. It was horrible I was getting sick every day. I would go on the internet and look up week by week how big the baby got. I was very fascinated by it. There were times I really wanted to keep the baby. Fear took over though. The fear of giving birth, raising a baby, and adoption all scared me. I was so consumed in worry and there was no one to help me raise this child. So I went forward with the easy way out even though I really didn’t want too.

karilynn2On June 4, 2010 my friend picked me up from my place to take me to the ultrasound. I went in alone, I was in this alone. This lady put jelly on my belly and told me to just lay down. This was my very first and only ultrasound. I asked “Do you see it?” She said “Yes, do you want to see?” I agreed with some excitement. She turned the screen towards me and I could make out everything. I saw the shape of the babies face and head. She pointed to a little circle moving and said “Do you see that?” I said “Yes”, She said “That is the beating heart”. I asked her how far along I was. She told me I was 8 weeks and 4 days. When I got home I did a lot of thinking on way’s I could possibly keep this baby. I came up with many, but fear would always make me think, abortion is probably the best thing. I even prayed to God and asked him to help me think of something before it was too late. I continued to look up on the computer how big the baby was. The morning sickness continued daily until the pregnancy was terminated. Every night, I would touch my belly, to see if I could feel anything moving. I started to feel love for this child.

June 18, 2010, would be the last day this baby had life in me. It was the worst feeling in my whole life. I wanted something or someone to stop me. I felt so alone. My friend and I went to Victoria Hospital at 7a.m. The appointment was at 7:30a.m.  When I got there I was led into a room with a lot of people.  They gave me a gown and slippers to put on.  I was in bed for a half hour until they told me to take two white pills. Once you take these pills, you can’t change your mind. Then they put an IV in my left hand. As I sat there with my friend, I noticed a lot of women, especially young, walking in. They where all crying. I could tell why, they where in there for the same reason I was. I asked my friend “How come I am not crying?”, he told me it was because I was thinking more about myself instead of this little one inside of me. I didn’t believe that though. I did care about this baby.

At 8 30am it was time for me to go to the operating room to have the abortion. They put some sleeping medicine in my IV and I made the doctors laugh when I said I feel funny. They held a breathing mask to my face and within 10 seconds I fell asleep. I woke up in the recovery room. I was only asleep for a half hour. I was no longer pregnant. My little one is no longer growing inside of me. I let my baby go to heaven. I let my baby go at 11 weeks

How my abortion experience effected my life

I will never forget the day I first saw my baby. June 4, 2010, my life changed. I watched the beating heart of my 8 week unborn baby on an ultrasound screen. I really do miss this now. I always play it in my mind again and again. Laying on the bed, watching my babies heart move. It was a living human being. I aborted my child 14 days later. June 18, 2010 this babies little heart stopped. A part of me died that day, and life after that never got easier. The loss of a child to abortion is so tormenting.

I feel like something is missing that should be here. I honestly never wanted to have an abortion. I desperately wanted this child. I wanted to raise this child. The thought of having to bring up a child on my own with no help scared me. So, I took the easy way out. Now, life for me is much different then before I got pregnant. I struggle with depression over my decision. When I see other babies and toddlers, it reminds me what I should have.I missed out on the opportunity to be a mother to my baby.
Sometimes I get scared and think, what if I never have another baby? What If I never get that second chance to be a mother? What if this was the only baby I would have ever had? I feel a deep loss for this baby that I never had. It also effected my life a lot in many ways. I have lost friends, because of what I chose to do. I had people who I thought were friends go around and tell others what I did. A lot of people talked behind my back negatively. I have been criticized and told I was a horrible person for killing my child.
People tell me that I shouldn’t feel regret. It was my decision and I should just live with it. This is in no way an easy thing to live with. I experienced 12 weeks of a life growing inside of me. I felt the morning sickness the whole time. I had all the pregnancy symptoms. i know what it feels like to carry a child that I love inside of the womb. I sometimes think what the child would have looked like and been like. I make up fake memories as to what life would have been if my baby were here. I do know that God does forgive me and that my baby is in heaven. I will meet her someday. I will always love my little one.