UPDATE: Hannah has admitted that portions of her original letter and poem were copied from someone else and has apologized for using it inappropriately. The Blaze has a further explanation. Below is a revised letter entirely in her own words.
My Dearest Luke,
As soon as my eyes opened this morning, I remembered how five years ago on this day, I awakened with a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes. You would be alive within me for just a few more hours.
Today is your 5th “Heaven Day.” February 6th, 2009
…a day that will be etched into my heart and mind always. The day that you died and the day that a part of me died with you. A fog settles in on my heart on this day each year, just as a thick fog settles on a city on a cold, rainy day. I must carry the weight of your absence for the rest of my days on Earth. I carry the grief over losing you and knowing you should be here, bringing joy and beauty to this world, had it not been for a decision I made.
I drove to Planned Parenthood that cold Friday February morning. It seems odd now that it’s called Planned Parenthood, like I could somehow change the fact that I was already mothering a babe in my womb. The nausea I was feeling day and night was a constant reminder of this. I had never planned for this. I had never wanted a baby before marriage. I never thought I’d have to deal with such a thing. Nobody facing this situation ever thinks it could happen to them…
Two of us entered that clinic – my nineteen-year-old, selfish, sinful, broken self and you, my six-week-old unborn child. Only one of us was able to voice what we wanted. Only one of us would make it out of the whole ordeal alive.
I don’t quite know how to picture how you’d look, who you’d be. It seems almost like a distant memory, even though I never truly did know you in that way. Each time I try to imagine, it seems just out of my grasp, like how a dream feels when you’re waking up and trying to remember what you were dreaming of. I like to think of you full of life and love, playing energetically with trains and trucks…though I don’t know much else to think of beyond that. I don’t know how to picture your nose or hair or the color of your eyes. My mind just freezes when I try to go to that place.
All I have of you and will ever have of you is the one single ultrasound photo. That and a few items I have collected in your honor to be kept in a special memory box. They are basically created memories. These things seem so empty at times when I should have a living, breathing child in my arms.You will forever and always be my first babe, the first child of my womb, and nobody could ever replace that love I have in my heart for you or that special place you will always hold. Lily was my first-born, but you were my first
. I hope to have more children one day. They will grow up always knowing about and loving their big brother. You will teach them so much in your short time on earth…about the value and beauty of each
individual life, no matter how small. How God has a plan and purpose for each one of us and we are precious in His sight!
Thank you for teaching me all these things and more. Thank you for being you. I know you are resting in the tender care of Father God and you will wait for me until that glorious day when I meet you for the first time. I must say “I’m sorry,” though I know in my heart you extend only love and mercy towards me.
I would give anything to go back and embrace your life, but since I cannot, I will live with this profound loss forever. It is my hope and prayer that through our story, others will choose LIFE. I am so sorry I discovered the love I now have for you too late. I have such joy in knowing I will see you one day and I will know you in a way I never will here. I am who I am today because of you and your little sister, Lily. God has brought me such a passion and purpose because of you…
I miss you, though I never met you. I miss your soul, your life, your everything. I promise to always be your voice. I promise I will allow God to use me to share yours and Lily’s story. It is all one story…for each chapter is intertwined into one glorious tapestry.I wanted to be rid of you before. I hoped for nobody to ever find out you even existed…But, now I speak because I want the world to know you are my son. I will honor your life in every way I can, as long as I live…until the day of our Heavenly reunion.
February 6th is a day of remembrance… remembering and acknowledging your brief, but beautiful life. The fact that you truly did exist. It’s a day of remembering what this day held in 2009 so that I never lose the urgency in sharing the truth of how horribly ugly abortion really is. On this day of remembrance, I will light a candle for you. I will talk about you and I will love and miss you. I will share your story so that other men and women won’t have to know this lifelong pain and so that other babies might have LIFE.I’ll love and miss you always, Luke Shiloh,
This is a poem I wrote in honor and memory of Luke:
First child of my womb,
Quietly you grew, hidden from all eyes.
Why didn’t I choose LIFE?
Why did I believe the lies?
Flesh of my flesh,
My baby, forever you’ll be.
I’m sorry I chose the wrong way.
I’m sorry I didn’t SEE.
Your life was not wasted.
Valued and precious you are.
God is speaking mightily through you.
From my thoughts, you will never be far.
From darkness to light,
You will always be a part of the story.
Our Father in Heaven promises
To work all this together for His glory.
Your name means “light” and “peace,”
My precious little one.
That’s what He’s brought in all of this.
In Christ, the victory is won!
I promise to be your voice
Until my days on earth are through.
I will never be silent
Until the time that I meet you.
In that moment,
I will gaze upon your face.
I will hold you, kiss you, know you,
In awe of His great mercy and amazing grace.
Even then I know,
Your legacy will still live.
For He breathes beauty into this story,
And purpose He will continue to give.
I love you my little Lukey.
Thank you for changing me.
Until we meet, my darling,
A forever part of me you’ll be.
With all my might, I’ll fight in your honor,
Until the battle for LIFE is won.
In my eyes and heart,
You will always be my son.
LifeNews Note: Hannah Rose Allen is a Christian young woman passionate about the pro-life message. Through her own experience with unplanned pregnancy, abortion and the loss of a child, Hannah Rose has become a pro-life advocate dedicated to ministering the love of Jesus to others. She tells her unique and compelling story on her website, roseandherlily.com, and at banquets and pro-life events, churches, and college campuses. Hannah Rose resides with her family in Raleigh, North Carolina, where she volunteers at her local Pregnancy Resource Center and works as a nanny.