Woman Profoundly Regrets Aborting Her Baby: “If I Hadn’t Taken That Pill His Name Would be Jude”

Opinion   Micaiah Bilger   Sep 6, 2017   |   9:54AM    Washington, DC

Abortion regret is something abortion activists like to pretend doesn’t happen.

But it does frequently.

Jamie Berube, a blogger at Your Tango, is one of the countless women who does.

Thinking back, Berube said she deeply regrets aborting her baby, a child who she believes was a boy. She even gave him a name, Jude.

Berube shared that she didn’t plan to have sex on the night she became pregnant. She and her boyfriend “John” gave into the mood of the evening, and her unborn child’s life and death were the results.

Why she turned to abortion, Berube did not say. But her boyfriend did not seem very supportive. When John asked how she felt about the abortion, she said she passed it off as not a big deal. Internally, though, Berube said she was in anguish.

At the abortion clinic, Berube said she had the chance to see an ultrasound. Being very early in her pregnancy, she said she could “hardly make out anything” on the screen but she still knew that she was looking at her baby.

“… simply knowing there was the beginnings of a human behind that photo made it hard to breathe,” she wrote.

John took her to the abortion appointment, but he did not stay with her as she had hoped. Instead, he dropped her off at her best friend Sarah’s house. She said he told her that he was proud of her before he left, and then pulled away when she tried to kiss him. Berube said she knew at that moment that their relationship was over.

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Sitting in Sarah’s house waiting for her to get home, Berube said her thoughts turned to self harm. She said Sarah was the only one who saved her from hurting herself.

She said she talked with Sarah that evening about her baby:

“I have a feeling it would have been a boy,” I said softly before taking a sip of Gatorade. “His name would have been Jude. Amory Jude. After Amory Blaine in ‘This Side of Paradise,’ but he’d go by Jude so he wouldn’t have to tell his friends his mom named him after a literary character and possibly get made fun of,” I looked at Sarah in the eyes. “Because if I kept him, I’d never let anyone pick on him…ever,” a tear fell onto the Gatorade bottle in my lap.

Since then, Berube said her feelings have not changed. She still deeply regrets aborting her unborn child, and wishes that her child was alive today.

She wrote:

I’ve done a lot of “bad” things in my life. I’ve made choices that will forever haunt me no matter how much money I shell out for a shrink. But the choice that I made on that day, the choice to sign my name on a piece of paper that would give my consent to terminating a pregnancy is chief among the ones I regret most.

Yes, I regret my abortion.

I regret not thinking through it more carefully. I regret not considering that I might have been a really great mom. And I regret that there’s no amount of regret that can reverse the decision I made.

While nothing can bring back her unborn baby, Berube and women like her can find help and healing through post-abortion counseling programs. One of the most well known, Rachel’s Vineyard, offers weekend retreats across the world for any member of the family who is dealing with the pain and regret of an abortion.