Some people’s stories impact us more than others. I’m not sure why, but the story of Kayla and her mother continue to haunt my thoughts almost a year after I first learned about them.
Kayla’s mother approached me after I spoke at a pro-life event organized by the Pennsylvania Pro-Life Federation. She quietly thanked me for my talk and humbly shared just a brief description of her abortion story.
Several days later, I found an email from her waiting in my email inbox. This young woman’s heartbreaking story made me cry; and after almost a year, hardly a day goes by when I don’t think about Kayla and her mother and pray for her continued healing from abortion.
Kayla’s mother bravely agreed to share her story publicly, compelled to help save others from the pain and regret of abortion.
This is her story, as told through the eyes of her unborn baby girl, Kayla. I hope it touches you, as it did me:
“Since I never had a voice my mother decided it was time for me to speak. Sixteen years ago my mother made a choice which has been devastating in her life.
“My name is Kayla, which means beloved. My mother named me in a rage of tears, torment, anger, brokenness and suicidal thoughts, years after my life was taken. But it was her choice, her right and her body — isn’t that what they told her?
“I was a shameful, dirty church secret. What would the church think about my parents who were committed Christians …? The truth of the matter is that love was waiting for the three of us and my birth would have been a testimony; but my parents told no one. They avoided God, church and therefore there was no conviction about taking my life.
“In fear she began to plan the cover-up. She told my father, ‘Let’s pretend this is not happening.’ No tears streamed down her face, no thought about being a mother. …
“Days later my mother was required to obtain an insurance referral for permission to abort me. All day my mother tried to have courage and she said to herself, don’t go, just don’t go — but she did. She arrived at the hospital’s insurance office and the woman who wrote my mother’s insurance referral was playing gospel music. … she was at the end of her rope and needed that woman to say, ‘Don’t do this’ or ‘I will pray for you’ but the only voices my mother heard was gospel music playing.
“That day my mother called her doctor’s office and made the appointment. The abortion had to take place before her doctor went on vacation; (otherwise) that meant a later abortion and by then I would have been 12 weeks old. The thought of that made my mother anxious and ill. The lie of being a blob with no heartbeat was acceptable before 12 weeks of life. But a painful discovery occurred years later when my mother researched and realized my heart was beating at seven weeks.
“My mother met with her doctor’s nurse and my mother sat there in tears wanting to be rescued. The nurse then said, ‘It’s OK. I had one before and it’s not a big deal. You will be OK.’
“The morning of December 20, 1999, my mother arose to voices from her television speaking about abortion heartache and the consequences of abortion on the lives of women, God was speaking again. She ignored those voices …
“When she arrived at the hospital, she checked in and heard the sound of gospel music playing at the front desk and Christians talking about the Lord. I heard my mother whisper, ‘Just get up, just leave, just do it. You can do it.’ And then her name was called.
“… as my father walked away, she looked back at him and my mother wanted him to rescue her. As my mother walked in the room there were several people and a table with stirrups. My mother felt trapped. As she looked at the ceiling with her eyes closing, it was too late.
“The truth of her choice, she remembers me at baby showers. The truth of her choice…my mother marked a calendar each month until my due date. The truth of her choice,…she remembers me when flowers are presented to women in church on Mother’s Day. The truth of her choice…she wants to hold me. The truth of her choice,…she hears my cries. The truth of her choice,…my mother is in emotional, unprocessed pain; and the truth of her choice…she wasn’t told the truth.
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“When you see my mother, talk to her, hug her, tell her she is forgiven by God, and tell her to forgive herself. You’ve seen my mother. She sits next to you in church. She believes she has sinned so much in her life that you will never accept her. She is angry, she is in pain. She feels she has nothing because she doesn’t have me, but she misses me.
“When you see my mother, allow her to breathe. Reach out to her in the moments when you see her heartache, allow her to scream from the pain of taking my life, walk with her so she may forgive the deeper roots of her pain, love her beyond the unforgiveness she feels about me. Comfort her tears even if you don’t understand. Stand in the gap before God, believing she can be healed … and don’t give up on her.
“… that is my mother’s love, sharing her secret pain so she may be healed and you may be healed.”
– Kayla
LifeNews Note: Due to space restrictions in the original publication of the article, her story was edited for length. Reprinted with permission from LifeLines, the newspaper of the Pennsylvania Pro-Life Federation.
